MY TWO DELICATE OPERATIONS

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Humor story by Larry Graves

MY TWO "DELICATE" OPERATIONS

A few years ago, I had two operations in the space of a couple of

months. These were not major operations. Although for most men, I

believe they would prefer triple heart bypass surgery instead... No man

alive has ever looked forward to either of these operations. In fact, I can

guarantee you the following statements have never been said by any

man in existence:

#1 "Oh good, today is my vasectomy!"

#2 "Oh good, I'm finally getting the circumcision I've always wanted!"

Yes, dear readers, 1990 was not a good year for a member of the family.

My member, my private part, my willy, my manhood, my good luck charm

I carry wherever I go.

First I will tell you about the vasectomy. (I hope you have strong

stomachs.) Men who know I've had this delicate operation always ask

me how bad it is. I tell them the truth. Except for the unbearable pain and

embarrassment, it's not bad at all. The embarrassment of laying on the

operating table as the doctor strolls in, so cocksure. (Pun very much

intended...) Let's just say,it was very uncomfortable when the doctor

lifted up the blanket to look at his next job. Very perturbed, he stated "Mr.

Graves, in order to have a vasectomy, you have to have a penis." I

assured the doctor that it was there. I pointed to the very spot it was

located. The doctor sighed heavily and murmured "I can't see dick all!"

As the doctor tried to control his anger, he asked his nurse to bring in a

microscope. After searching for a few minutes, he located what he

believed to be my manhood (okay, boyhood...) I could be imagining

things but I swear I heard some discussion about contacting the

Guinness Book of World Records.

The operation honestly wasn't too bad. It was actually the constant laughter during the operation which caused me the most pain. When the

vasectomy was completed, I was thrown a couple of pain killers and told

I could go home. Very gingerly I walked out of the hospital. My legs

spread apart as far as possible as I shuffled towards the parking lot.

Needless to say, everyone who saw me knew what operation I had just

had. As people gawked and pointed at me, I felt like a real dick.

The circumcision was basically the same, except I was knocked out for

the operation. When I awoke from the operation, I felt like I was being

woken up from the dead. I looked down at "it" and noticed it was in

some kind of cast. I started to have visions of girls wanting to sign my

cast. Silly dreamer I am... Being the comedian I am, I asked the nurse if

they had enlarged it for me. She stared at me in shock and said "I don't

think so."

Another dream shattered...

sent by Larry Graves

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